If you don’t enjoy reading, kindly go to the next post. This post is for the nice guys. Who seem to do everything right, yet get friend-zoned. I usually hear ‘Good things come to those that wait”. Not this time bro, Good things come to those that act. The following are tips garnered over university, nysc days and post graduation career life experiences. All tested and trusted. However, If you have a contrary opinion, feel free to air, but note that your chances of changing my opinions are non-existent as all these tips have been endorsed by David De-Angelo, the Master Don Juan himself. If for any reason they don’t work on the girl of your dreams, and she still friendzones or ignores you, dude, cut your losses, and move on…Haven’t you heard of ”there are plenty fishes in the ocean”?
1. Keep the phone calls short.
When you first start dating a girl or getting to know her, don’t hang on the phone talking with her for hours at a time, discussing weather, NEPA, or her favourite size of indomie (small, medium or hungryman) . If you do, you’ll be indirectly communicating to her that you have nothing else better to do. That you’re boring, sedentary, and don’t have much of a life. Yes, you may enjoy the conversations with her and getting to know her better. And she may seem to enjoy them as well. But you’ll be doing much more damage to your budding relationship than good. Subconsciously, she’ll be cla$$ifying you as a NO-LIFER. Remember, this girl is looking for someone who will make her life more interesting. It’s better to be perceived as someone who is busy, who does things, who has an interesting and exciting life. Three to Five minutes on the phone may be okay. (One to Two for students..LOL!) Ten minutes is really pushing it Bro. Remember: peak her curiosity about you, make the call short, make a date to see her, then hang up the phone and discuss everything you want during the physical date even if it’s How Messi is 100 times better than Ronaldo (Fact!) Keep it short,sweet and simple.
2. Never say nothing.
Whenever a girls calls and asks you what you’re doing… never say “nothing”. Always be doing something interesting, or just getting back from doing something interesting, or getting ready to go do something interesting “in a few minutes”. Even If it means you saying you are reading an article online or an e- book on your phone when we both know you are lying down on your bed, scratching your hairy balls and chatting with her alone (Pls never use your Smart phone for only chatting, alongside you can actually read e books, nairaland career tips, news, job applications, etc on your phone while chatting). Never say nothing! If you are a working cla$$ guy, all the better, this tip is generally for the students (because they constitute a larger percentage of those in the notorious friendzone)
3. The ‘K’ factor.
It is usually expected that when chatting with a girl you just met and intend to score, she replies some of your messages with K. Personally, once you reply me with K, the chat ends. I will never initiate conversation again until you do. However, if I am in a good mood ( which happens rarely) I reply you with J. If you are silly enough to ask what that means, I simply tell you that I thought we were reciting the alphabets. This usually sparks either of two reactions. She gets angry and ignores you, or she laughs. If she laughs, better for you. Humor covers a multitude of sins. Laughing is an aphrodisiac. Learn to be funny, in a not too (seeking for attention kind of way) if she gets angry and ignores you, move on bro, or do you really want to date Hitler’s daughter?
4. Abbreviations and short messages.
Girls have been known to initiate conversations with unnecessary abbreviations and typing short messages like Gd am, Sup, mornin, aii, etc. The rule that works for me is, go a bit less. Some people might not see this as bad, but trust me, this same girl has a guy on her list who she sends a thousand words to at once, and the guy replies with Ok. Please, Be that Guy! Example. If she types mornin, I reply with morn. Gd am, I reply with am. If she types a sentence with 5 words, reply with 4, If she types 3 words, reply with two. Point is, whatever abbreviation or short sentences a girl gives, your answer should be shorter. If I am in a good mood, which I don’t need to remind you happens rarely, I add a bit of humor to it. If she types Sup? I reply with either egusi, banga or ogbono. Usually they ask what’s that, and I reply, I thought you meant soup, so I was telling you the soup I just ate. NB# Never reply twice, until you get a reply to your last message. It’s chatting (i.e between two people) Not you defending your project! Some guys type 5 sentences when she’s not even replied the first and yet wonder why the only time they’ve seen the girls undies is when they visited her and used her rest room where she hangs them (for students). Friendzone na bast**d.
5. Delayed Replies.
Nice guys, when you are chatting with a girl you just met, and she seems to be too busy to reply your messages when we both know she’s giving you the new guy ‘I am busy treat’. Just relax and study the chat. Check the reply frequency. Some girls wait as much a 30 minutes and some even a whole day before replying you. Meanwhile, when you met them in the bus, cla$$ (for students), office or even church, they couldn’t keep thier hands off thier fone! Solo, abeg when she delays, look at the time difference, she used in replying you, multiply it by two, chat with other friends, then reply her when you are sure you have exceeded her delay by a hundred percent. I.e (x2) of the time it took her to reply you. Nuff said!
6. Never Apologize.
Don’t get me wrong, humility is a great a$$et, and every man should know when he wrongs a friend, colleague, family member etc, He should apologize. However we are not discussing family or career here. We are discussing women. People who generally do not know what they want. People who end up dating the guy they once referred to as a jerk. In general, it is bad form to always apologize in the early stage when you are asking her out. Many guys are guilty of this. For anything, You can admit you were wrong, you can offer to make things right, but don’t apologize. Back then in school my favorite line used to be, I’ll make it up to you. Saying sorry sounds negative and boring. If you continue saying sorry, she would discuss you with her friends, saying you are always messing up. Try something more positive like I owe you one, I’ll make it up to you etc. This for one keeps her wondering how you would make it up. You and I know that you saying you would make it up is bull crap… Unless you actually want to. Kudos, but nor finish you salary or pocket money for the students in the house.
7. Don’t take permission.
There is no such thing as overconfidence. There is such a thing as taking yourself too seriously. Do not ask permission to do or say anything. Never ask a woman if you can get her number, kiss her, hug her, hold her, etc. Be like Nike bro, Just do it! Agreeable is boring. Infact when you meet her for the first time, as soon a she gets comfortable with the discussion, hand her your phone, don’t ask for her number, just hand her the phone. If she’s intelligent enough as I hope she would be (If not, why are you wasting both our time) she would know you need her number and give it to you. If she declines, move on bro, or do you really want to be with someone who doesn’t find you interesting enough to want to talk to you again?
8. Read, Read and Read!
Reading gives you a place to go to when you have none. Reading broadens your knowledge and gives you a bit of a perspective in every discussion. Need I remind you that ladies love smart guys? Have an opinion, give a suggestion, have a clue about what she’s saying. Know everything about your career or course (for students) or business (for business men) and a little, even if it’s veneer knowledge of a whole lot of other things.
9. Use Google
You would be surprised how people under utilize google. Add google to your bookmarks. As soon as that pretty girl you are hoping to score starts warming up to you, she starts to ask you some questions. Google helps you answer some, google helps you not to ask her silly questions. I once asked a smallie who was still in school, the course she had in cla$$ that day, and she mentioned the course (not the course code), a 300 level english language course. I never heard of it, but quickly googled it, and wikipedia gave me answers, I just summarized the surface of the course for her, and she typed hmmm….guess what that meant? How come he knows when he studied Engineering (My Uniben Engine Men in the house I hail una) All other guys on my contact don’t have a clue what this course is about. When she later asked me, I shoved it aside and told her, one of my ” FEMALE” neighbour’s back then in school must have mentioned the course in one of our discussions. If it means lying, LIE! But be brief… notice that I mentioned female and typed it in capital letters. You would be surprised how easily girls get Jealous even with a story about another girl from years ago. This brings me to my final tip. 10. Jealousy This is actually an old technique, but it seems many men do not understand it properly. However it works like magic. If you are with group of ladies, do not always give the same girl the attention. You have to work on one of the traits found in almost every woman – jealousy! If you like a certain girl in a group give her other friends attention too. You can give your crush attention also, but give her friends equal attention. This will cause the girls to become extremely jealous of each other and you can take your pick! For students, if you are attracted to a girl in your school, faculty, department, or even if you are working and get attracted to a girl In your organization and she doesn’t seem to notice you exist. Use jealousy to get her attention. You can do this in a subtle way, point is, make her see you having fun with another girl. If she ever asks you who the person is to you, grin sheepishly and say, she’s just a friend. Jealousy works better when you use her disadvantages against her. Trust me, no girl is a perfect
10. (except of course my beautiful wife!).
Your dream girl could be busty, hipfull, a$$matic, tall, light, dark, short, etc. Whatever she is, try your possible best to make sure your friend to be used to make her jealous has something she doesn’t. If she’s tall, light, and busty, with tiny hips (lol) make sure the girl she sees you with, even if short, black and ugly, has WIDE hips. You would be shocked how an unexpected complex sets in. If you are ever forced to introduce both of them to each other, smile (Always smile, mischievously if possible, except when you are owing me money, then don’t! ) and say meet my friend, no shaking of hands with your crush or hugs, instead give her some light KINO (my favourite, but topic for another day) and walk away with your hipfull friend. I a$$ure you, your crush would never forget those hips, she would go home and stare at herself on the mirror, and would eagerly seek an opportunity to talk to you again so as to know if you are hitting those hips or not. It doesn’t have to be hips. Just find one character or trait your crush doesn’t have but the other girl has. It could even be a sense of humour. Final tip. Don’t allow her know these tips, and If by chance your crush is on Nairaland and she sees this, be prepared, the movie Two can play the game might help you…because clearly I cant. These tips are not intended to promote being a player. I for one is married and faithful to a very beautiful woman who I probably would have had friendzone me if I didn’t know all these. However I a$$ure you, better to a player than to be a solo!..But if you choose the player option, remember your lean salary (workers) and your GPA(students) It would be selfish not sharing these tips to younger guys, wouldn’t it? Else they end up like the dudes in the pic above.